Watching a child undergo a loss is really a tough thing. You try to fix it, make it better, but grief is not like that. Children do not always have the capacity to express what they feel, and sometimes the way in which it comes out is such that adults get confused, anger, clinginess, withdrawal. This is the point where childhood traumatic grief enters. At Bright Flourishing Health, we constantly have this problem with families who are lost in this maze, and the first step is realizing that the child’s feeling is a real, valid, and complicated one.
Listening and Being Present
It is simply being there that you can do the most. Sometimes grown-ups talk too much, try to explain, or even reassure but in a way that the child feels is fake. Children only need the presence of a person. Being with them, allowing them to cry, play, or even be quiet together, is very helpful. It gives the opportunity for grief processing in children in a natural way. Also, sometimes, being there does not necessarily mean words, it can be a hug, a hand to hold, or simply sharing the same place without any imposition.
Let Them Express Themselves
Grieving children usually bring their anguish in different ways than grown-ups do. Some paint, some behave badly, some revert to earlier stages of development, and some appear as if they are completely fine one moment and break down the next. It all is a part of traumatic bereavement. If you try to force them to have grown-up conversations about grief, you run the risk of making things worse. Allow them to express themselves in their own manner, disorganized, loud, silent, whatever helps them. This is the way they begin to confront emotional trauma in their childhood and learn coping skills and at their own speed.
Keep Routines But Stay Flexible
After childhood loss, kids need to feel safe and that is provided to them largely through routines. Regular meals, school, and bedtime are good supports, but you still need to be flexible. There will be days that don’t turn out as expected, and that’s perfectly alright. Consistency is very helpful in dealing with loss and grief, however if you go to the extreme and force everything it can have the opposite effect. Keep in mind, this is about being there for their emotional world, not trying to control it.
When to Seek Support
Asking for a hand is definitely not a shame. Besides, help in the form of therapy, support groups, or input from experts like those at Bright Flourishing Health can be really useful. They are able to identify the signs of trauma in children, childhood PTSD, as well as offer strategies for dealing with grief and trauma. Taking support doesn’t mean you are letting it go that you are not capable; instead, it shows that you are taking the first steps for the child’s safety and well-being.
Conclusion
The way of helping a grieving child is not by having all the right answers or by instantaneously making everything better. Rather, it is about showing up, being there, allowing them to express their feelings, and gently guiding them. Bright Flourishing Health is a resource that families can rely on when dealing with childhood traumatic grief. They offer support, understanding, and practical tools that allow children to work through their grief safely and to gradually begin to heal.
